Grief is deep sorrow in response to a loss.
This loss can be anything, including the loss of a job or relationship or some hope for the future. The loss that often affects us most is the death of a loved one.
When faced with the death of someone you hold dear, you need to know: How can I grieve well?
Everyone copes with death in different ways. Some mourn and allow people to see it, others grieve silently and hold it all on the inside.
- Grief is the internal flurry of emotions experienced in the wake of a death, tragedy, or other loss.
- Mourning is the external way that grief is processed.
So there is a difference between grief and mourning. Grief is what you are holding onto. You are keeping it on the inside. Mourning is what you are releasing and letting out.
Imagine yourself as a pitcher of water. You are holding grief inside and in order to express your grief into mourning, you have to pour it out.
Our website is supported by our users. We sometimes earn a commission when you click through the affiliate links on our website. See our privacy policy & disclosures for more information.
How to Grieve Well
There is a balance to maintain: Some of that internal grief should be transformed into appropriate outward mourning. And some of that internal grief will (and should!) always remain because you miss your loved one and will hold their memory in your heart forever.
As you process your grief and mourn your loss, your hope for healing will increase. You’ll still always miss your loved one, but you can also look forward to a healthy, productive, and meaningful life.
But what is the balance between grief and mourning? How long should it take, and what should it look like?
Urns Made in the USA
While there is no one-size-fits-all way to grieve well, there are truths you can hold on to and tips you can implement as you grieve.
Here are some ideas that you can put into practice as you respond to your loss and express it through mourning.
1. Face your grief
Facing your grief can be hard. Your life will never be the same and that is a daunting prospect.
But don’t ignore your grief. This will not make it go away or make it easier to handle. As you learn to live differently, you can open yourself to the idea that you will live a full life again. However, these thoughts can be overwhelming at times.
So give yourself time to adjust. This is a new life that has been dealt to you. Continue to move forward – this is healthy for you and shouldn’t cause feelings of guilt.
2. Take care of yourself
It is vital that you take extra care of yourself as you mourn. If you need to shut out society right now, do it – for a time.
Close the door, turn off your phone, and have some quiet time, or even “me” time. Read that book that you’ve been putting off. Binge the television show you’ve been wanting to see. Catch up on some much-needed rest.
These are all perfectly acceptable ways to spend some quality downtime as you mourn.
More: 44 Self-Care Tips & Ideas for Those Who Grieve
3. Accept the natural effects of grief
When we grieve, our brain produces a torrent of hormones and neurochemicals. You may be foggy. I have had families tell me that their brain feels like “oatmeal.” They feel like they “have been drinking” and many other analogies.
Another common feeling is that you don’t “have it all together.” It is OK to feel like that – no one has it all together!
These are all natural feelings. Our brains protect us from the overwhelming feelings of grief. Things will start to come together for you. It just takes time and some grief work.
More: Symptoms of Grief
4. Exercise
Physical activity can help improve those feelings of fatigue, brain fog, and mild depression. When you exercise, it releases endorphins and helps combat the negative effects of stress on your body.
Try jogging, riding bikes, or joining a gym. Invite a friend over for regular conversation and a walk around the neighborhood.
5. Begin to adjust
Adjusting to life after your loved one is gone will take time and effort. It will be slow, and you don’t need to make major changes right away, but this will happen because life without your loved one simply is different.
If you are one of the many people that have been a caregiver, it can be hard to adjust to all the extra time you may have. This might be a great time for you to develop a new healthy routine for yourself.
Because your loved one is gone, you’ve already begun to adjust. Take steps to ensure that these changes result in positive progress and healthy differences in your lifestyle.
Related: A Grief Timeline
6. Start something new
Consider starting a new hobby, taking up a new pastime, or getting involved in something fresh and different.
Over the years, I have had people tell me that getting a new pet is very helpful. You have something to nurture and love.
Traveling and a change of scenery can sometimes be very helpful to you. It can help to remind you of the beauty that is still abounding in this world. It may clear your mind and get you back to a sound emotional state of being.
7. Continue something old
While making new beginnings can be good and healthy, it’s important to remember the things you shared with your loved one.
Consider doing some of the things you used to do together. Invite a friend to go with you, or just go solo. Keep your family traditions alive, but find a way to incorporate a memorial or tribute to your loved one.
For instance, you might continue your holiday tree-decorating tradition. Get a special memorial ornament, set out a chair to represent your loved one, or simply keep your tradition going as a way to honor their memory.
8. Modify your environment
Your loved one helped to fill your home with effects. There is no reason to feel guilty for cleaning out and getting rid of material items. You can donate clothes. Maybe pass on some jewelry or other personal items to family members.
The important things to keep and hold onto are your memories. Save those precious photos and keepsakes, save a favorite t-shirt or hat, but know that you are free to give away or donate as you see fit.
9. Create a memorial
There’s a reason why we set up headstones permanently etched with the names of our loved ones. It’s because we treasure their memory.
When mourning a death, we have a natural desire to see the person remembered and have their life and legacy honored.
Here are a few of our favorite memorial ideas:
- Etch a bird feeder with their name & dates, set up near your kitchen window or porch
- Create a memory jar filled with notes, stories, and photos
- Commission a fine-art portrait or a fun comic book that tells their story
- Have their famous recipe engraved on an heirloom cutting board
More: 35 Ways to Remember a Loved One
10. Start a grief journal
Many people find it helpful to write out their thoughts and feelings throughout the grief process. A grief journal provides a private, safe space to express yourself (no matter how strange or negative your feelings might be!).
You can also write down memories of your loved one, or things that you appreciated about them. This can help by focusing on the positives, and can be a beautiful, life-affirming tribute.
- Get a nice journal, one that will last
- Set aside time each day, or several times a week, to journal
- It doesn’t have to be long – a sentence or two is perfectly fine!
- Write your own thoughts and feelings: how are you doing today?
- Write down something you remember about your loved one: a memory, something they loved or loathed, a personality quirk
Read next: 22 Honest Quotes About Grief
Pin It
